My Boyfriend Can’t Afford My Lavish Lifestyle. Should I Dump Him?

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Expensive Penny,

I’m debating my relationship due to materialistic issues: My boyfriend shouldn’t be drop-dead good-looking, and he isn’t financially lavish.

Nevertheless, he’s very decided and has began a very good wholesome way of life, workouts usually and eats healthily since I’ve requested him to deal with himself. He’s very beneficiant when I’m with him and can all the time deal with the payments. He first ensures that I’m happy earlier than he spends on himself.

However he can’t get pleasure from life lavishly by touring just a few instances a 12 months or residing in a much bigger residence. He defined these to me from day one earlier than COVID-19, and it appeared that I accepted it. However now I really feel that his lengthy working hours don’t go well with my way of life, given what he earns.

I’m discovering it laborious that we will’t journey in the summertime. Nevertheless, he isn’t stopping me from touring and encourages me to go. However I don’t really feel like going with out him, and I hate the sensation that I’m disadvantaged as a result of he can’t get pleasure from what I can get pleasure from.

I have to determine: Is he the correct one in my life, or am I making a mistake? He’s in his early 40s and is only a 12 months older than me.


Expensive F.,

When you dump this man for not being strikingly wealthy or GQ materials, you’ll do each of yourselves a favor. You’ll free your boyfriend to seek out somebody who appreciates the great qualities you describe, like the truth that he’s hard-working and beneficiant. And also you’ll have the ability to search out somebody who meets your requirements, which can be impossibly excessive.

However I don’t wish to routinely dismiss your considerations, as a result of I’m unsure they’re materialistic. Generally, two folks have clashing priorities. The way you spend your cash displays these priorities. It’s not materialistic to finish a relationship as a result of your priorities are an entire mismatch.

I’ll admit I cringed a bit at your description of your boyfriend’s look and incapacity to “get pleasure from life lavishly.” However I don’t suppose it’s improper that you simply wish to journey along with your boyfriend.

It isn’t shocking that this downside is surfacing now. A few years in the past, once we had been smack in the course of COVID-19 lockdowns, human companionship was what so many individuals craved. So it is smart that you simply accepted your boyfriend’s way of life again then. Now that restrictions have eased, plenty of us are itching to return out and discover the world.

Context issues a lot right here. Particularly, I ponder simply how lavish these holidays you’re planning are. Most individuals don’t have the time or cash to journey first-class for a number of weeks on finish a number of instances a 12 months. That’s nice in case you can afford to take action, nevertheless it’s going to be laborious to seek out somebody who can sustain. However, in case your boyfriend works 90-hour weeks but nonetheless gained’t price range the money and time for a trip, I can’t fault you for being disillusioned.

I’m inquisitive about whether or not this can be a cash situation or an issue along with your attitudes about cash. It’s a cash downside if you wish to journey collectively however can’t foot the invoice for 2 folks. However in case you can’t stand the thought of footing a part of the invoice for a person you’re courting, then it’s a cash angle downside. One factor that strikes me is the truth that he takes care of the payments (presumably once you exit), despite the fact that it sounds such as you’re higher off financially. When you break up issues equally at dwelling, would your boyfriend have the ability to journey extra?

Ensure you’ve communicated to your boyfriend simply how vital touring is to you. For instance, in case you steadily go to eating places or concert events, possibly you possibly can compromise by scaling again on these bills so that you’ll each have extra money for journey.

Clearly, I’m not going to let you know whether or not that is the correct man for you primarily based on a 200-word letter. However earlier than you determine what to do, be sure you’re clear with your self about what you’re in search of.

Nobody individual can test each single field. When you discover somebody you’re suitable with, the chances that your budgets will probably be similar are slim. So contemplate the probability of really discovering somebody who meets your standards.

It doesn’t sound like your boyfriend’s way of life or funds are going to alter any time quickly. It’s OK in case you determine to finish this relationship as a result of your priorities are out of sync. However it’s not OK to weigh your boyfriend down with expectations you understand he’ll by no means have the ability to afford.

Robin Hartill is a licensed monetary planner and a senior author at The BaghdadTime. Ship your difficult cash inquiries to [email protected].

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