My Rich Girlfriend Expects a Man to Pay for Everything
I lately ran throughout your column concerning the boyfriend who wished his girlfriend to pay his payments, which was of curiosity to me.
I’m a middle-aged, presently single man, who has been in a relationship for 10 years with a girl who began as a pal approach earlier than that. She is divorced and has no children at house. She obtained an inheritance from her dad and mom after they handed that allowed her to retire at 58, repay her home and change into debt-free, whereas permitting for ample journey, investing, and many others.
To this date, I do not know how a lot cash she has, (she freaked out the one time I requested) however clearly it was sufficient to cease working utterly. Her dad was a physician, so I’m positive the quantity was snug.
I’m nonetheless working in my 60s, which is my selection. No inheritance for me, however I’ve been in a position to save an honest sum of money through a 401(ok), whereas nonetheless with the ability to take pleasure in life as a middle-class individual. I’ve little question she has extra money socked away as a result of inheritance than me, however I dare not ask.
All that being stated, I’m in considerably of a reverse scenario in that we additionally dwell about an hour away from one another and just about have a weekend relationship occurring as nicely. I do 75% of the journeys, which is round 150 miles spherical journey. I additionally pay for all of the meals, outdoors leisure, and many others. I do not anticipate her to contribute towards any family payments, and neither does she.
Alternatively, I spend at the least $500 per thirty days on us going out to eat, leisure, and many others. She by no means presents to pay for something, a lot much less drive us wherever, even occasionally. She subscribes to the old-fashioned, the place the person pays for every little thing.
In my thoughts, it isn’t even a cash factor. It is extra of the precept — once in a while, provide to deal with me. I am nonetheless on the market working, being self-sufficient, whereas she is doing no matter she needs each day.
I would be curious as to your ideas on this. I do love being along with her, nevertheless it positive looks like it’s a one-sided partnership.
-C.
Pricey C.,
A one-sided partnership remains to be a one-sided partnership, even when it’s couched in old-school values. The concept that one individual ought to pay for every little thing in a relationship is ridiculous, significantly while you each have monetary means. Gender isn’t an element right here.
However your girlfriend isn’t a mindreader. You’ve been paying for every little thing, driving her round and doing many of the touring for 10 years. From her perspective, this seems like an ideal relationship. How would she know that you simply’re irked by the truth that you’ve been pulling all the load for those who’ve by no means introduced it up?
If you would like something to alter, you’re going to should say one thing to your girlfriend. You don’t must make this about how a lot cash every of you has or the truth that you’re nonetheless working.
I believe you summed it up superbly for me. You’ll be able to inform her: “I like spending time with you. This actually isn’t about cash, however concerning the precept. Once in a while, I’d find it irresistible for those who might provide to deal with me.”
After a decade, she could also be stunned by this request. However it’s exhausting to think about an inexpensive individual taking situation, particularly since your girlfriend has loads of cash.
If she does object, you’ll want to simply accept the truth that you’re way more invested within the relationship than she is. What you do with that data is as much as you. Should you take pleasure in spending time along with her, you may proceed issues as-is. However do consider carefully right here: Do you actually need to be in a relationship with somebody who places their foolish, antiquated values above your emotions?
Even when your girlfriend agrees to present extra, she may have a little bit of nudging at first. Don’t be afraid to nudge her a bit. It’s totally applicable to say “Wish to deal with this one?” right here and there when the dinner verify arrives. Should you’ve had an extended week, inform your girlfriend that you simply’re drained however you’d nonetheless like to see her if she’s keen to make the drive.
Don’t anticipate this dynamic to alter by itself. However hopefully for those who inform your girlfriend what’s in your thoughts, she’ll do what she will to point out that she appreciates you.
Robin Hartill is an authorized monetary planner and a senior author at The BaghdadTime. Ship your tough cash inquiries to [email protected] or chat along with her in The BaghdadTime Neighborhood.
