Should I Pay My Boyfriend’s Bills if I Only Visit on Weekends?
My boyfriend of virtually two years has just lately requested me to start out paying the electrical and water payments at his place. I reside about an hour’s drive from him, so I actually solely spend the weekends with him. I’ve washed my garments there thrice max within the virtually two years, and I washed his garments with mine these instances.
I clear his home, watch his canine, purchase meals and share the price of going out, holidays, and so on. I really feel that he’s not acknowledging my contributions in any manner. So how ought to I deal with this example?
-S.
Expensive S.,
You can supply to deliver your personal bottled water and a generator to your weekends collectively. You can analysis the going charges for cleansing and dog-sitting in your space, then bill your boyfriend to your providers. Ask him to reimburse you for transportation on the IRS commonplace mileage price.
Higher but, you can not go to your boyfriend this weekend. Or subsequent weekend. Or the weekend after that.
At most, he’ll liberate a couple of dollars in his price range in the event you’re not there utilizing his utilities. Extra importantly, you’ll liberate your time. Then you may pursue somebody who really values your companionship.
At finest, your boyfriend is being an excessive cheapskate. However I can’t assist however really feel that he’s being manipulative by making an attempt to make you accountable for his payments. Regardless, the correct technique to deal with this example is to inform your boyfriend, “No, I’m not paying your utility payments. This can be a utterly ridiculous request.” This isn’t up for debate.
You may inform him why it’s so absurd on a monetary stage. You’re paying for fuel and wear-and-tear in your car from driving an hour every technique to go to your boyfriend. I’m certain these prices alone are a lot larger than the tiny bit further you’re including to his utilities.
But in addition inform him how what he’s asking makes you’re feeling. I believe you’re spot on whenever you say your boyfriend isn’t acknowledging your contributions. This isn’t nearly what you do round the home. You need somebody who appreciates your time and firm.
This relationship sounds one-sided, even after we put apart the truth that your boyfriend desires you to pay his payments. You drive an hour to see him, you then purchase groceries, clear his home and look after his canine. As an alternative of being grateful, your boyfriend is making an attempt to stay you along with his payments for the privilege of spending time with him.
What I’m interested in is whether or not this request is out of character to your boyfriend. I suppose one extraordinarily charitable rationalization could possibly be that he’s careworn about cash. That doesn’t let him off the hook, after all. If cash is an enormous fear to your boyfriend, he must be trustworthy about that and in the reduction of on issues like going out, moderately than making an attempt to make you accountable for his payments.
However given all of the work you’re doing on this relationship, I can’t assist however assume this can be typical of him. If that’s the case, hear rigorously. This isn’t concerning the prices of water and electrical energy. That is about how he values your relationship.
Assuming you wish to make this work, it’s essential to undertake a brand new mantra: You’re solely going to offer what you’re getting out of a relationship. That applies to your present relationship, in addition to any relationships you pursue sooner or later.
Give up doing all of your boyfriend’s home cleansing and laundry and grocery purchasing in your weekends. He can do his personal chores like a accountable grownup. He may additionally pay you a go to for a change to save lots of you a while and fuel cash.
Your boyfriend’s response will likely be very telling. If he argues with you whenever you inform him you’re not paying his payments, or if he expects you to do his home tasks whenever you go to, I believe it’s time to dump him. Higher to finish issues now, earlier than you’ve mixed your lives any additional, than to maintain losing time on somebody who won’t ever recognize you.
Robin Hartill is a licensed monetary planner and a senior author at The BaghdadTime. Ship your difficult cash inquiries to [email protected] or chat together with her in The BaghdadTime Neighborhood.
